Today was another hectic day! It’s amazing how quickly time flies in a hospital. Everyone has been so thoughtful with prayers, support and assistance during this time and thanks to our friends the Kohr’s we were even lent a laptop. You would think this would result in an earlier post but like I mentioned before I never had the opportunity to sit down and post until now.
Scott had a stable day today. When I arrived at the hospital today the first thing he said was “I actually slept last night!” I was really happy to hear that since the previous evening had been so rough on him. He rested for the most part of our morning. He was definitely depressed and clearly quite grumpy which is totally understandable. His incisions are getting itchy which is sort of causing him to itch all over. I can’t imagine how frustrating it is to have an itch and to be completely unable to scratch it. His frustration got worse as he was trying to get me to scratch the precise areas that were bothering him. He has always been quick to apologize to me when he gets snippy and despite this terrible situation that hasn’t changed. I keep telling him that it is ok to get frustrated, angry, depressed and scared.
The spinal doctors came down to visit Scott this afternoon and they did a thorough exam of Scotts body. The head doctor said that he has C3 sensation and most of C4. He also said this is better than he anticipated. He made a detailed drawing of the diaphragm and the nerve that feeds the diaphragm and stated that he is fairly confident Scott will get off the vent at some point. The doctors then went into the importance of Scott getting stable in the ICU. They showed Dad Fedor and I the Xray of Scotts lungs and it was pretty scary. Essentially, both of the bottom lobes of his lungs are full of fluid and he is living with only the top lobes. The doctor said that if Scott was a smoker he wouldn’t be alive right now. Fortunately, Scott has healthy lungs and although they are compromised he is still oxygenating well.
The doctors informed Dad Fedor and I that this evening there was a local spinal cord meeting being held on the rehab floor. He invited us to join the event so we could meet some other individuals living with spinal cord injuries. We attended the event and to say it was enlightening would be an understatement. We saw individuals there that had overcome more adversity than anyone we knew. Many of these individuals had a better attitude and a more positive perception of life than most able-bodied people. We watched a video of three individuals living with a spinal cord injury. In the part of the interview that dealt with accepting the injury the young lady in that video said, “I realized that these injuries only happen to people who are strong enough to deal with them. People who will become an inspiration and role model to others.”
I took notes during the meeting and went down to see Scott and to let him know all of the positive information I had received. He was pleased to hear it but then started explaining that he doesn’t feel positive. He stated repeatedly that he is extremely scared and just wants to get better. He said he knows that he needs to be positive and be strong but he doesn’t know how to do that. I keep telling him that so many prayers are being offered up to God and that we have to “let go and let God!” He doesn’t feel he knows how. I can completely appreciate that feeling. I know how scared I am and I am not the one in the hospital bed.
I suppose the most important issues we should focus our prayers on are for Scotts lungs to heal and for him to allow the fear to be overcome by sheer determination and the will to get better. After attending the spinal cord meeting this evening I can more clearly see that this is a long road and it’s going to be a while before Scott gets the confidence back to really feel that he can truly do this. Please keep up the prayers. Scott and I appreciate them so much.