“The strangeness of Time. Not in its passing, which can seem infinite, like a tunnel whose, end you can’t see, whose beginning you’ve forgotten, but in the sudden realization that something finite, has passed, and is irretrievable.” – Joyce Carol Oates
Time flies.
July is already here. That seems fast and somewhat unfair. Many of us, at least myself, count the days on the calendar waiting for this time of year. However, it always seems to come later and leave quicker. The reality is that there is the same amount of summertime every single year. The weather may change, how we choose to use our time might vary, but the only true constant is that we actually get the same amount of summertime every year. So why is it that some years it moves too fast, while others take too long?
July also brings with it the anniversary of my injury. Every July 3 now serves as a new guide post for me. It has replaced my March 3 birthday as a much more significant measure of the time that has passed these past four years. At times, the pace at which they have flown by is excruciatingly slow. While at other times, the rate at which they’ve crawled along has been shockingly fast. I feel as if I’ve lost so much, yet gained so much at the same time. Life as I knew it ended, but also began. These are all paradoxes I accept even if I haven’t quite figured them out.
On the eve of the same day reserved for celebrating our independence, I’ll always be reminded of the day I had to relinquish mine and take on a new individuality. At times, my mind feels as if each July 3 seems more and more like just another day. After all, that’s really all it is. However, my body constantly reminds me it’s not just another day. It hasn’t been “just another day” since 1,461 days ago. Need an example of how time teases us with its simultaneous slow and fast progression, try sitting perfectly still for a full day. Spend 24 hours ignoring every itch, blocking out the aching of your tightening and inactive muscles, relying on someone else to feed you, blow your nose or massage your stiff neck. I’m willing to bet if you did this, it would seem like an eternity. However, think how fast that same day would seem to pass if you had to let each minute represent one entire day. Do that and you would still be 21 days shy of four years.
Fortunately for me, the past four years have revealed many new opportunities to take the place of the many things that I had lost. I feel like I’ve lost so much, yet gained so much at the same time. I still enjoy many of the same things, do the same things and look forward to some of the same things. I just enjoy them, do them and look forward to them with a deeper sense of appreciation for the way time puts its stamp on them.
As I was sitting outside this morning, I found myself looking at the tiny, green tomatoes on my plant and wondering when they were going to ripen. It seems as if, they too, are taking their time. I remember in the days immediately following my accident, with barely a whisper, I would ask how my tomatoes were doing. I had just broken my neck and here I was worried about a few tomato plants sitting on my apartment balcony. For a few moments in time, those tomatoes were the most important thing on my horizon. I never got to enjoy them, and never will, they’re gone. But each year I get a new tomato plant and will soon enjoy the taste of new tomatoes. New opportunities can be just as sweet as new tomatoes.
Another way to mark the passage of time is to marvel at the advances being made every day in the area of SCI research. A few recent achievements of note:
In China, doctors completed a clinical trial assessing effects of umbilical cord blood transplants in 20 subjects who averaged 7 years after complete spinal cord injury. The subjects received intensive walking training for 3-6 months. At 6-12 months, 75% of the subjects could walk in a rolling device with minimal assistance. Another 2 subjects could walk without any assistance using a four-point walker. These results are much better than expected. More trials are slated to begin this Fall. (Read more here).
A Cleveland team’s research could pave the way for bladder control restoration. In rats whose spinal cords were completely cut – the worst kind of paralysis injury – scientists from Case Western Reserve University and the Cleveland Clinic were able to prod nerve fibers to gradually grow across gaps the width of a pencil and reconnect. The rejoined neurons made it possible for the treated rats to urinate almost normally. It’s a medical first in the field of nerve regeneration after decades of work and sometimes dashed hopes. The project’s director, CWRU neuroscientist Jerry Silver, used a similar method two years ago to revive breathing muscles in rats with less severe spinal injuries. (Read more here).
At a medical school in New Jersey, doctors led a clinical trial that included 70 patients who had cervical or thoracic spinal cord injuries and were previously treated for at least six months without response. Using the American Spinal Injury Association Impairment (AIS) Scale, patients received neurological and physical evaluations monthly for 18 months to determine if sensory and motor functions improved. At the end of the trial, 23 of the 50 patients who received both physical therapy and stem cell therapy showed a significant improvement of at least 10 points on the AIS scale. Several were able to walk with assistance. (Read more here).
It’s important to keep in mind that these are all preliminary results. More trials and more tests are needed in order to determine the true efficacy these treatments may offer. I am choosing to stay optimistic, while at the same time, choosing to move forward with my life. However, perhaps there are some new and delicious tomatoes waiting just beyond the horizon.
Time will tell.
Thank you for the continued prayers and support!
Stand Strong!
Scott
[Reminder: a great way to help support me is through iGive. The site is running a holiday special and any Groupon purchases made between now and 7/14 will result in double donations to my Assistance Trust. Even if you don’t use Groupon, there are over 1,300 stores that participate. The best part is, you don’t pay anything – the stores you shop at pay all donations towards my physical therapy! You can register here]
Scott, just wanted you to know I think of you often and I keep you in my prayers.
I guess we will never know why things happen the way they do in this life. Maybe, one day there will be an answer.
As I sit here typing trying to write something to lift your spirits as you do for so many people, I want your miracle to happen. In just reading your posts and comments that come your way from people you know personally, people you have never met, people who hear your story and keep you in their prayers, I don’t think God will let those prayers go unanswered.
I hope you are doing something special today with family and friends this July 4th.
God bless and stay strong.
Pauline
Hi Scott, Wow! I am always amazed at the positive message you convey to all of us. God is truly working through you to help those of us suffering in one way or another. I’ll be thinking of you during my upcoming surgery and stay at Rae Ann!!
Take care!
Kathy Nix-Fintz
hi scott, yes keep positive for it’s one of the very best ways that will keep you going strong.. i have something to say and please take it positive.. i met you because of your injury scott, God has been using you to help motivate me to keep going.. i deal with so much physical and mental pain it’s crazy.. i’m not saying i’m glad you have suffered and are suffering daily, i’m saying God is using you in a mighty way probly beyond what you really think.. i know that you help so many of us scott, it’s a difficult and depressing thing we are going threw for sure.. But I Love you like my own Family, You are Very Special and God has Chosen You Because HE Knew you would do this very Thing.. It’s weird i guess and hard maybe for you to understand but God uses us all in different ways.. After my illness’s and injuries i Became So Much Closer to God and Now I Teach openly About Him.. I probably would not be doing what i do unless He Provided this unchosen avenue for me.. I can Speak for all of us and say You Are a Blessing, we love you wheather we are injured, Ill, or a friend.. (( i am going to e-mail you next week private)).. i am praying for you Daily!!
Keep writing my friend. You bring to life the world of paralysis that you and my son live in each and every moment of the 24 hour day. I am so glad that we connected with you a few years ago, and look forward to the ways that you WILL impact the world with your wisdom:) And by they way…I know that wisdom has been very hard fought for….
Blessings,
Beth
P.S. We can not wait to see the “cute” Melanie:)
As always, well written and inspirational Scott.
Powerful words Scott. We look at life with different eyes now. Family, friends, pets and yes, even tomatoes take on a new meaning. I pray for the day you can scratch that itch. God bless you
Thank you for reminding all of us to appreciate what we have and not fixate on what we would like to have. You inspire us to live each day, no matter how difficult, giving thanks to God for being our tour guide on this trip called life. God bless you and keep you,
Cherry
I just know, Scott, that there are many more delicious and new tomatoes waiting just beyond the horizon for you.
Today is the anniversary of your accident – I, for one, have been enriched by your inspiring words since that day 4 years ago. Thank you for being such an inspiration to so many. You have touched so many lives, and we are very grateful.
God Bless You with many more anniversaries.
Peace & Joy – Mary
As we celebrate our Independence as a nation Scott, you reminded me again there are so many other things to be thinking of and praying for. As always, you are in my thoughts and prayers.
God Bless!
Scott,
This past weekend my wife and I went up to Kalamazoo to help celebrate her cousin’s 60th wedding anniversary. As we drove up rt. 69 we passed Cold water Lake the scene of your accident But maybe more importantly the location where life as you knew it ended and life as you now know it began. and Kalmazoo where you were tken to the hospital and where you told the Doctor “I want to live”. What truly an inspiration you continue to be to me personally and to all those you meet.
God bless you!
Hey Scott – as always, perfect timing. You truly are an inspiration and I think of you often. 🙂
Continue to keep you in my daily prayers. You are truly an amazing person and by keeping God front and center….all things are possible! This past April was 21 years since we lost our infant son and sometimes I recall it as if it was yesterday and other times I look around and feel like it was a different life. We mourn the loss and count the blessings as we recover. Blessing and prayers for you on your anniversary!
Pat in ORlando
Scott
Just read your blog for the first time. I’m helping Jeff Bell with the A2A alliance.
I was very touched by what you posted and will look forward to maybe meeting you one day. Thank you for sharing your story!
Margaret Sisson